a separation
written 04/02/2022 05/06/2022
the morning starts clear-minded
or at the very least, free-flowing
boombox turned astronaut
I read the morning paper and pull off, already high,
Rifling through thoughts
loosely filed
how many times I commute to you?
how many times I crossed the whole body,
looking for ends
how many hills?
I feel like a volcano,
but cold
it’s a separation, no expectation
of anything to flower from my visit but I know it does
my hands fold like dollar bills
it flowers on the road singing “Feed me”
but the roads are conveyor belts, pulling at sunrise
drive faster and love will make you hungrier
here mouths fold like dollar bills
shining a new light on things
I fly her in
my breath is inky and unknown but I hold back nothing
I flower on the road and die before anyone gets a picture
I’ll archive it cuz I know you missed me
I can’t tell the distance in the dark
I’ll plant seeds
but I gotta leave to take it seriously
---
Hike
written 04/07/2022
Piecing things together is like a hike
I avoid the out-and-backs
and find myself drawn to them anyway
a lil rhythm
and the love will make the process worth it
like i keep on writing this shit
and no one next to me understands it
you can fit into a place and not belong
if you were to swap bodies, who are you trusting?
---
Strange behavior
written 04/04/2022
Strange behavior
whole and in abundance
I use buzzwords
still figuring out meanings despite the static
i tuned things out
the trees ulterior motives
Beth in pink and red
gifted me some astro mints
just to find a smile oh mother
you humanize me
still unzagging pathways
missed calls I wasn’t ready
as you posed yourself
knowing I was watching
slowly I was learning
---
Crush
written 04/05/2022
Impulsively I bite off a finger
n try to put a band-aid on it
Like yes, I still love you
Or so I’m convinced
Forgive me and my nervous system
my smile, my suicidal tendencies
There will be no cover or convincing
whatever love means
playing dumb like neither of us can recognize patterns, come on now
I type your name into my contacts but I have you saved as the starry-eyes emoji
I feed off your energy so I take on your habits
easier to blame someone else than me
rushing through rush hour
I’d rather burn the tank driving
more consistently the stumbling notion of “being ready” throws me off balance
one thing to be nonlinear and another
to be constantly tripping over oneself
in other people